I’m at a crossroad.

So… big decisions coming up. My contract is just about finished at Monash and after a lot of discussion I’ve been told that they will be unable to sponsor me to stay. I knew that was coming but now its a reality and I have some decisions to make.

I really want to stay here in Australia. Truly I do. I’m just going to be honest for a moment here – I don’t trust God with that. That would be the only reason I would do farm work (which is the requirement for a second year working visa. It’s silly, I know.) That way I could secure my stay here and not give God the opportunity to come through. I’ve been hanging on to Australia so tightly and I’m so scared to give it back to God and let him have his way. That’s me being real. It scares the crap out of me. Because… What if? What if I go home? What if I can’t stay? What if I end up regretting my decision to let God handle this? What if I become bitter? I feel ill thinking of the reality that I could go home in September and I could have done  something to prevent that. Early this year my dear friend Jen really spoke to me about that and now I’m standing face to face with her words again. She told me that I’m holding on to Australia with a closed fist and taking it to God. I need to release it to Him and trust him with it.

Right. This is an opportunity to trust God with something that I truly want. Knowing that, if it doesn’t come to pass, I’m still in his will and something better is in store.

I feel sick. LOL! There is no security. Just pure trust. I think the biggest issue for me is that I didn’t have plans to go back to Canada. I left with the intention of not returning anytime soon. The longer I stay here the more I’m sure of that.

So my options are:

  1. Stay at the university for the entire six months in allowed. This will take me until August and then I’ll have just over a month to find another job AND get sponsored or else I’ll be deported.
  2. Leave the university at the end of April go and do farm work (88 days worth) so I can qualify for a second holiday visa and buy my self some more time here (another year). However, I’ll have the same work restrictions and I’ll still need to get sponsored. Plus, I’ll have to leave Melbourne to do my farm work which means I’ll have to break my lease/give up my place
  3. Finish at the end of April and start looking for another job in hopes I get sponsored.

My initial reaction is telling me to take the risk. There are a few reasons behind this:

  • this trip has been completely spirit led. I want what has started in the spirit to finish in the spirit
  • I don’t want to put God to the test, but I also want to be living life in a way that is complete dependence on him. I want to truly exercise my faith
  • I don’t think it’s my time to leave my  current living situation or life in general. I would feel like I would be uprooting myself and leave a lot of loose ends. As much as going to do my farm work makes sense, I actually have more peace about staying put.

So I’m really leaning towards staying at Monash. It seems stupid and irresponsible but I don’t feel I’m supposed to leave yet.  Still feeling a bit anxious but we’ll see what happens… I have to give Monash an answer this week but I know what I have to do.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 comes to mind. So I’m just going to rest in that.

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